WHAT IS CONFIDENCE & HOW YOU CAN EASILY CREATE MORE OF IT

I wasn't always this confident. 

When I was younger, I believed you either had confidence or you didn't. I had no idea that confidence was something you could create. 

A combination of anxiety, desperately wanting to fit in and spending far too much time worrying what people thought of me, meant my confidence levels, for the most part, were pretty low. 

And when my phobia of sick began to get worse as I entered my teens, my low self esteem increased and I felt terrified of the world.

If someone spoke to me before I’d had time to rehearse a response in my mind, I’d panic and spend the entire conversation worrying that I’d said the wrong thing or convincing myself that they’d think I was a complete weirdo. Or worse, rude. 

Just before my 21st birthday, I had a massive wake up call when I was nearly fired from my job for calling in sick so often. 

I knew I needed to make some drastic changes to my life and my mindset and as I started to push myself out of my comfort zone, my confidence started to steadily increase. 

Soon I realised that actually, I did have the power to change how confident I was. 

With my newfound confidence, I went from being too afraid to leave the house, suffering with daily anxiety and weekly panic attacks to quitting my 9 to 5, backpacking solo and starting two online businesses.

Without confidence, I’d still be hiding in my bedroom, terrified of the world, feeling lonely, miserable and frustrated that my life was so shit compared to everyone else's. 

Confidence is the key to achieving anything in life

Whether that’s starting a business, going to a gym class, showing up online or simply accepting yourself as you are. 

I think it's important to mention that you can be really confident in some areas and less confident in other areas and that’s ok.

It doesn't mean that you're not a confident person if there’s something you lack confidence in. 

For example: I’m confident in myself, in showing up on lives, in being visible but I’m not very confident when it comes to public speaking or networking events. That’s an area that still needs some work. 

And that’s ok.

What is confidence? 

The Cambridge English Dictionary defines confidence as “the quality of being certain of your abilities”. 

Now for me, being confident means being able to drown out the noise from others, listening to my gut instinct and intuition over other people's opinions, trusting that I am making the right decisions and still loving myself when the shit hits the fan. As it so often does. 

Being confident is a combination of trusting and believing that I’m always doing the right thing. 

Your definition of confidence might be completely different and again, that’s ok. 
Whenever I talk about increasing your confidence, it’s important you increase your confidence to the point where you feel confident in yourself based on your definition of confidence, not based on what other people tell you. 

Make sense?

What does being confident mean to different people?

I recently asked my peers in the mastermind I was a part of to define what confidence means to them. I’d also encourage you to think about your own definition of confidence so you can begin to work towards it. 

Here’s what they said: 

“What does being confident mean to you? Or what comes to mind when you hear the word 'confidence'?”

Being confident to me is knowing exactly what I want, saying no to what I don't want, having faith in my vision, not trying to hide in the shadows, not melting away in group settings.

Strength and serenity.

It means doing things that I want or need to do, without being held back by fear, limiting beliefs, doubts etc. It doesn't mean I don't have those things going on, but I choose not to let these things stop me.

Feeling clear and sure of myself, even when others dont agree with my point of view.

Having an unwavering knowledge that I can handle x, y, or z.

Feeling self assured and not having self doubt. Having ultimate belief that I know what I’m doing and have the experience and expertise to back it up.

Confidence means strength or power. Able to conquer anything.

Feeling empowered and secure about the way I feel about myself.

Confidence radiates without overwhelming or intimidating. Confidence can be so subjective, and so triggering when witnessed in others and perceived wrongly. Confidence means knowing your worth.

Confidence to me means doing something you're not scared of, just grabbing it and doing it without thinking about it! It's an aura and a feeling of knowing that you can do anything when you put your mind to it whether that's body, mind, business etc.

A deep knowing that you are speaking your truth. Certainty from within and not from external sources. Being sure of yourself.

Confidence to me is knowing what you are talking about and getting things done with integrity.

Confidence to me is doing something even though you might be nervous or have fear about it. Dr Russ Harris says “The actions of confidence come before the feelings of confidence” in his book called The Confidence Gap. I’ve experienced this numerous times. When I commit to something and take action, others tend to view me as confident (and courageous often) even though I don’t usually feel confident at the time. For me my feelings of confidence really only come from hindsight and looking back on my achievements with perspective. I’m trying to embrace my wins more in real time remembering to #pauseforapplause but it doesn’t come naturally to me.

So a lot about believing in yourself, saying yes to the things that scare you, being brave and not worrying about what people think.

How to create more self confidence

Whatever your definition of confidence is, it’s important to work on getting yourself to that point.

When you’re confident, it’s easier for you to stand up for yourself, to charge your worth, to be visible online, to take opportunities you might normally pass on and to, ultimately, feel good about yourself.

One of my favourite exercises for increasing confidence is using affirmations. 

I like it because I’m lazy. 

I’ve done the 3 hour morning routines, the hours + hours of journaling and the reading alllll the books and yes, this stuff works BUT I find it hard to be consistent when something takes so much time. 

Affirmations are a great way to increase your confidence on the go or whilst you’re doing the tasks you typically hate - it’s hoovering for me! 

When you repeat affirmations over and over again, they begin to become your new beliefs and, therefore, your new reality. 

If you’re lacking confidence right now, chances are the phrases on repeat in your mind are things like I can’t, this is hard, I don’t know what to do or why me. 

No judgement here, I’m speaking from experience. 

But repeating the negative phrases means they’re most likely your reality: you can’t, you’re finding it hard, you can’t make a decision, you’re feeling fed up - perhaps jealous of all the ‘winners’ you see online. 

The first step to switching your story is awareness

Throughout the day, notice the thoughts that are going around in your mind and when you catch a negative one, make a note of it. 

Once you have the negative thoughts, you’re gonna switch them to the complete opposite. These are your new empowering beliefs that you’re gonna use as affirmations.

For example:

I can’t >> I can do this

This is hard >> I choose for everything to be easy + effortless

I don’t know what to do >> I always make the right decisions

I wish I had more confidence >> I am SO confident today!

Now you have your affirmation(s), it’s up to you to repeat it every single day. You can do this in 4 different ways:

> Write out your affirmations daily

> Read through your affirmations daily

> Repeat your affirmations either in your head or out loud daily

> Record + listen to your affirmations daily

The more you commit to repeating your affirmations - your new beliefs - the more they’ll become your reality. 

And the best thing is, they don’t take up a lot of time or money!

No more excuses, it’s time to create unbreakable self-confidence.

To make things even easier for you, I’ve created a Morning Affirmations for Confidence audio that you can download to your phone and play first thing in the morning or throughout the day whenever you need a confidence boost. Click the button below to download your audio.

Enjoyed this blog post? Leave me a comment + let me know what confidence means to you!