HOW TO STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
We can’t help ourselves, can we?
We open up our social apps (through boredom) and we’re met with feed after feed of shiny, successful, beautiful women smashing all their goals, raking in all the cash and achieving the success you’ve been dreaming of for years.
Part of us wants to feel inspired by their success - if they can do it, surely it’s possible for me too? - but the truth is, seeing other women soar as we’re stuck in struggle leaves us feeling like shit.
So we find ourselves in a pity party, wondering why we’re not good enough and feeling like a failure.
Comparing ourselves to other women creates self doubt and when we’re doubting ourselves, we can’t achieve what we want.
In order to be successful, in order to turn our dreams into reality, we HAVE to believe in ourselves. We HAVE to believe it’s possible for us and we HAVE to believe we’re capable of making it happen.
It’s time to quit the comparisonitis and keep your attention on yourself. Here’s how:
Notice when you’re comparing yourself
Comparing yourself to others is a pattern, a bad habit you need to break. In order to break it, you need some awareness around when it’s happening.
Are there any triggers that make it more likely for you to jump on the comparison train?
Maybe it’s around your period when you’re feeling a bit low or if you’re finding it hard to make decisions in your business.
Perhaps it’s when you’re feeling stuck or haven’t been getting enough sleep.
Start to notice when you’re comparing yourself and see if it’s because of a certain trigger.
Moving forward, you can start to make sure you’re not doing the things that trigger the comparisonitis and instead form some better habits like taking breaks from social media, getting enough sleep and doing regular mindset work.
If it happens more around your cycle, be aware that you’re more likely to fall into the habit of comparing yourself and put steps in place to avoid scrolling aimlessly. Swap the scrolling for a mindful activity like doing a puzzle, baking or binge some Netflix with your phone in a different room.
When you notice yourself comparing, acknowledge what you’re doing and ask yourself “Is this serving me right now?”. You can also try to understand why you’re comparing yourself in the moment by asking yourself “Why am I comparing myself right now? What thoughts lead me to this?”.
The more awareness you have, the easier it is to notice when you’re comparing and switch to an empowering activity instead.
Remember though, don’t feel guilt or shame if you find you’ve been stuck on the comparison train for a while.
As with breaking any habits, it takes time.
Get in a high vibe
Comparisonitis often happens when we’re feeling low vibe - tired, overwhelmed or stressed out.
We all have days (or parts of days) where we feel lower than others and that’s totally normal. But the good news is, we can do something about it.
I talk a lot about being high vibe and how it helps you to feel more confident because it’s something we’re all capable of doing. We’re all capable of shifting our state from a negative one to a positive one.
When you’re feeling good about yourself and confident in your own skin, you don’t get sucked into comparing yourself. You focus your attention on the inspiration you have and the awesome action you’re taking in your own business.
To get into a high vibe you can simply play your favourite playlist on Spotify, listen to my Affirmations for Confidence audio or write out an empowerment list like 25 reasons I know I’m amazing.
Get acquainted with the unfollow/mute button
I used to hate the thought of unfollowing anyone on social media because I was scared that they would unfollow me (making me less popular) or they wouldn’t like me anymore.
When I did unfollow someone I was no longer aligned with or who I found myself comparing myself to, I felt guilty. I was so worried they’d think I was a horrible person but the truth is, everyone’s so concerned with themselves, they won’t even notice if you stop following them.
Over the past 12 months in particular, I’ve been curating my social media feeds so I’m only seeing positive, empowering content from people I actually want to connect to. And if I notice any feelings of jealousy or frustration that I’m not where they are, I mute them for 30 days so I can do more work on increasing my confidence.
Because this confidence journey never ends.
Unfollowing/muting people will free up your timeline for content that’ll inspire you - making you feel good - and motivate you to take action.
Whilst we’re on the subject of unfollowing, it’s important you drop any feelings of resentment, rejection or not good enough when someone unfollows you. Start celebrating the people who leave your community as they were never going to buy from you in the first place.
If you’re rejecting people with your content, you're doing the whole marketing thing right.
Focus on self love
If we focus our energy on falling in love with ourselves, staying in our own lane and building self confidence, we don’t feel the need to compare ourselves because we’re content with who we are.
It doesn’t matter that Sally down the road had another sold out launch.
It doesn't matter that Barbara hit 10k followers on Instagram.
It doesn’t matter that Josie has 10 discovery calls booked for next week.
None of it matters because it’s not related to our business.
It doesn't mean that we're not good enough. It just means that we're on our own journey.
And maybe someday we’ll have what that person has. Maybe we won't.
It doesn't matter because we're all here for our own purpose, to create our own wonderful life.
To learn how to fall in love with yourself, read this post.
Comparing yourself is a completely normal thing to do but it’s a bad habit you could really do with breaking. The less time you spend on the comparison train, the more time you’ll have to take action and achieve your goals.